Confronting the Tough Stuff

Tonight was hard. 

The pain of my past was almost too much to bear as I walked to my car... alone... 

I had to yet again attend an awards event for my son by myself.

MY.self. 

These are the toughest times for me as I'm aware how alone I am because I'm not dating, I'm not married, it's simply me. Although I love my life and where I am, these nights have a sting of pain that is hard -- I'm surrounded by families and then there is ME.  

It's just hard. 

It's hard to be alone when I see my ex-husband with his wife, they have their "couple" friends and are taking my son out to celebrate his note-worthy accomplishment. It makes me super happy for him, and although I don't want to feel sorry for myself, I find it hard not to let tears slip down my face because the pain is so real.

As I drive home, I cry out to God, "WHY God, WHY are you torturing me?" It hit me that I have feelings deep down where I think God is torturing me by keeping me single, then I hear Him tenderly saying, "Cristin, it won't always be like this, you won't always be by yourself, this is a season as I have more things for you to do and you need to be single."  

I KNOW that this is a season and although my feelings are real, I read that God has my best interest at heart, He's not withholding anything good from me just like He talks about in His word in Psalm 84:11 (NIRV)

"The LORD God is like the sun that gives us light.

he is like a shield that keeps us safe. 

The LORD blesses us with favor and honor. 

He doesn't hold back anything good from those whose lives are without blame."  

That's it!!! I need to stand on God's word, not my feelings even though it stings.I will acknowledge how I am feeling, it's hard, but I CHOOSE to believe God at His word and not my fickle feelings.

As I wrap up the night and leave that situation behind me, I still feel the pain but I feel more joy because in Psalm 84:11... God is my LIGHT and my SHIELD and that means HE is guarding MY HEART!!!! 

What a promise! What a night. My HOPE is RESTORED and I CHOOSE to believe God more than my heart and fickle feelings. 

After this very emotional night, I have this advice: 

• Deal with the tough stuff.
• Let your tears out.
• Find Bible verses that remind you that the God of the Universe cares incredibly much about your pain and He is faithful to heal your heart, restore your joy and bring you hope in the midst of pain! 

💕